a small moment

It's been a long January.

Trials and tribulations have been unwelcome but abundant. Nothing life altering, just your run of the mill 'what else could possibly go wrong' kind of stuff.  I found myself thinking why!?! And saying things like 'We Pay Our Tithing!' (is that blasphamous? I hope not. I was frustrated. I also had a fever of 103 for 7 days of it so.....)

Then I decided I was being tested. Duh. What was I supposed to be learning from all this! I'm slow y'all. Really. Dumb as rocks? I feel like it sometimes. The lord must have those eye rolling, bang your head against the wall, long deep sigh kind of moments a lot when he is trying to teach me something.  I know because I have them a lot with my own kids and what goes around comes around, right?

It seemed I must need to learn something more about finances. (Which has been our huge trial the last 2 years. I feel like we are just about to rise above and then we get hit again.) But that wasn't it.  Was it to teach me to accept the help, charity and kindness of others? Maybe. And then I figured it out.

It was definetly a trial of faith. Plain and simple. Did I have enough faith to trust in the Lord? After I knew we had done everything we could, did I trust that he would provide for us?

It took me a few days to figure it out. It took me a few days of wavering faith. It took me  a few days to realize that yes, I did trust him. I did have the faith that it would all work out. I didn't know how, but I didn't get that crazy anxiety that sends me spinning into doubt and anger, I just knew it would be ok.

Our Bishop just happened to call Barry about something else and he just knew.  My parents (like they always do because they are saints) just give with no questions asks. Some friends just knew I needed a girls lunch out. Another friend just knew to take my kids for a few afternoons. My sister always knows just what to say to put it all into perspective. My husband is always my rock of faith and never wavers. I read D&C 121:7-9 and felt peace.

So it's been a long January.
In fact, it's been a long 2010.
Long.
Hard.
Frustrating.

It's also been my most faith building year for 10 years or so.
A learning year.
A year of prayer and tears.
A year of anger and peace.
A year of asking why more than any 3 year old could ever compete with.
A testimony building year.

And yet through it all I have learned something amazing. Something I didn't realize until the last few months.

I Am Blessed Beyond Measure!

I'm not a big crier. (emotions are for sissy's you know)  But to think about all the ways in which I am blessed is incredibly overwhelming. In fact I don't believe our human minds can really comprehend it all.  Maybe it's just my mind. Remember how I'm slow? ummm, yeah.

So I never thought I would feel this way, but 2010 was a pretty good year for me.

From a lucky girl

great related article here.