Parenting Styles

CJane posted about her Easy Style Parenting last week and it really got me thinking.  I am much the same way and always have been.  When Ryan was born Barry was the one running around like a crazy person, worrying about every little thing and I was more laid back. That is until I about had a mental breakdown because I started second guessing myself. Maybe I should be more like him, maybe I'm not a good mom, maybe I need to worry more and not be so strict.  I got over it quickly.

The funny thing is I would describe myself as both more laid back parent and the more uptight parent, it just depends on what parenting aspect we're talking about.
I don't run to my childs side every time they fall.  I used to think maybe something was wrong with me, my mother was constantly gasping and having heart siezing attacks every time one of my children would so much as waver in balance and I was completely unaffected.  Having a boy for my first child did not affect me in the least. He could have blood dripping down his face and my heart beat wouldn't so much as speed one extra beat.  My kids learned early that if they wanted lots of drippy simpathy than they better find Daddy.  I'm happy to bandage and wipe away tears, hug, kiss and send you on your merry way to go play some more.  Barry is happy to cuddle and ooooo and ahhhh and all that extra stuff.

However if you want to get my heart racing just try and cross me when it comes to daily chores and routine around the house.  My kids have daily jobs and weekly jobs. I expect homework done immediatly after school. I expect respect and manners. I am the drill sargaent at home, Barry not so much.  He thinks he expects it, he likes that I expect it, but he's way to soft to enforce it.  He claims he grew up with it but was always got away with not doing it. Which is not a surprise. His mother is still that way. I see no sense in spouting expectations and rules and not enforcing them.

I'm not really sure why I'm going into all this other than having just read an article about this and it has my head spinning with frustrations and resolve to do better myself.  I tend to think I'm an 'old school' style parent.  I love my kids, I want them to be happy but I don't intend to make them happy or find their happiness for them.  I think one of the best things I can do for them is to teach them to live in the real world.  You have to work, you must know how to deal with disappointment, you must have a sense of humor, you must learn to make your own choice and deal with it when you have no choice.  I think the hardest part of it all is teaching it while still learning it myself and teaching it with love and patience.

I'm currently in the process of regaining routine and order from a summer of slothfullness on my part.  There is nothing I love more than a good routine with scheduled times to do nothing.  And my children have lived that way since birth so when we let the routine go, everything else goes with it, respect, disapline, good attitudes. And what replaces it is entitlement, selfishness, argueing...  I find when I stop expecting my kids to be active parts of the family and house  than they stop being as good as they can be.  So it doesn't matter how many times I hear that 'so and so doesn't have jobs', it makes no difference to me, my kids will always have jobs and be expect to have one at 16 and pull their own weight and I don't expect they will stop complaining about it any time soon.

From a lucky girl